Last week, I didn’t say much, but I was definitely a frustration crier.  Then we had the memorial for my stepdad, and I couldn’t make it through the memorial without crying.  I had a bunch of funny anecdotes that I said during the memorial in Florida in February.  This time, all I could do is talk about how I missed him.

I meant to talk about how he didn’t bother chasing one of my brothers down the road when that brother broke another brother’s arm.  He sat in the brother’s room and just waited for him to come back.

Or he was kicked by a cow (that we named Faith), and he hit her over the back, breaking his own arm.  The cow made it to the dinner plate.

Or I spent a lot of time being his helper – his grease monkey, and he is why I learned so much about working on the house, or on a car, or even general knowledge about plumbing. So many times I helped with his work on the apartments we owned and rented to people.  I can’t tell you how many hours I spent painting and helping him with soldering, and other work needed on the apartments that had been vacated – preparing them for the next tenant.

I’m back at work this week.  Too much on my mind, and trying to get everything together to send to the dealership in Pennsylvania.  I checked my work email while on vacation, so I was able to catch up fairly easily.  On the other hand, my work has been reduced lately because of a sales slow down.  I’m hoping that it’s only temporary.

I’ve been wondering if I should actually start with my writing again.  I know that I’ve been posting more often, but I miss my fiction writing.  I miss coming up with my stories.  I don’t miss the writing I was doing for Textbroker, but that wasn’t very creative.

The problem that I have with the creative writing is that I got discouraged.  I submitted a good story and it was rejected, so I dropped the writing.  I don’t want to let that rule my life any more.  I was told it was a good story, it just wasn’t what they were looking for.

The writing I was doing for Textbroker has given me the ability to work on my copywriting website.  I’m able to pretend that I’m writing for someone else – which is good, because I’m not much of a person to promote myself.

I think all of it is tied together.  I had issues with things someone told me repeatedly.  I let all of this stay in my head.  It all just colored my view of things.  I know that a lot of people have issues with self confidence.  I just need to let it go and work past my fears.

So, obviously I’m starting the working past my fears by opening up more here.  I still won’t mention where I work, and I still won’t mention names, but I think I can work things out better by getting it all out on paper or on the screen.