I try not to say a whole lot, but I sometimes battle depression.  Like being shy in real life, it’s just part of who I am sometimes.

Needless to say, the whole situation with work has hit me pretty hard.  Living with family for 2 years doesn’t help.  I think the constant stress is wearing on me.  I do know that I have regained the 50 pounds I fought so hard to lose 3 years ago.  Tonight, I’m fighting back tears as I sit here typing.

I know part of how to deal with it, it’s been an off and on battle for years.  The first thing I need to do is cut out sugar.  I don’t mean just a little, I mean I have to cut it all out.

Then I need to start walking on the treadmill again, 20 – 30 minutes a day, pushing myself to do intervals.

The food part is going to be hard over the next week.  The exercise, not so hard, just I’m going to end up having a case of the ‘I don’t wannas’ for quite awhile at first.

Right now it looks bleak.  I’m trying to hard to remember that depression lies.  We will eventually get into our house.  The work situation will eventually work itself out.  All is not hopeless.  All is not lost.

It just feels that way tonight.

I’ve been trying to figure out, when you lose your job like I am, how do you know the best place to look for another? Do I look internally? Do I look externally?

Do I bite the bullet and take the time I have to try to build up my writing?

I have 10 weeks to figure it out.

In the meantime, I’m applying for internal jobs — ones within the company.

A couple of years ago I wrote something to the effect of I hope for my former coworkers sake the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t an oncoming train or a hyper kid with glow sticks.

Yesterday I got hit by the train – figuratively at least. My job is moving to Cincinnati and I’m not being asked to move. My last day will be March 28.

I hated my job but really like my coworkers. I feel bad for the other 4 that got similar news, they rely on the job for their insurance. I don’t.

The last few months I’ve been wanting to write a novel but kept putting it off.  Earlier this week I decided that I was going to do it by participating in NaNoWriMo – National Novel(la) Writing Month – that takes place every November.

The goal is to write 50,000 words this month.

I have one day to outline the story that’s been sitting in my head for 7 years.  I’ve got another story that’s been there for 15 years that needs to come out as well.  I had snippets of that other story on my website at one point.  Now I need to figure out where they are, or I need to rewrite them.

It should make for an interesting time.

In the meantime, it’s bedtime – after I read the article I just found on writing habits lol.  Laterness & g’night.

At some point very soon, I’m going to have to wipe the hard drive on my laptop and reinstall Windows.  The main problem is, I bought it used from work and got the key for this copy of Vista since it came with the computer, but I don’t think I have an installation disc for Vista.  That should make things fun.

I’m not sure a total wipe will help anyway, I heard a rattling near my fan when I rebooted earlier.

I think I need to find a place where I can upload the files I want to keep so I don’t lose them when I reboot.  I’ve got another doorstops that I need to somehow access and get files off it too.

Anyway, it’s late.  I’m tired.  I’m frustrated by the laptop that is going out.  Maybe I should just buy brand new this time. I just don’t really want Windows 8, and am no longer as familiar as I used to be with Linux.

Laterness & g’night.

The Oatmeal had something interesting to say about Christopher Columbus.  Since Monday is Columbus Day – and Canadian Thanksgiving, I’d rather celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving. But Thanksgiving was always a time for family to get together, and I’m missing my family big time, so that’s why I’d prefer to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving.

In other news, I figured out why it supposedly costs so much to build a house in this town.  You get the house framed, and you need an inspection.  You get it wired, you need an inspection.  You get the insulation in, you need an inspection.  Again when you get the sheet rock in before you start taping the cracks. Again when you finish.  And each inspection costs money.

But our wiring is done, so we’re getting there.  We need to get the framing done so we can get that inspection done.

I’m so looking forward to having everything done once and for all.

The last blue screen crash of my laptop gave me this error. Finally I have something to go on, though it sounds more and more like a hardware issue.

No, the title of my post doesn’t mean I’m lonely, not really.

My Marine son posted a picture today, and it made me realize how much he’s grown up.  I haven’t seen him in over 18 months.  In that time, he’s been deployed to Afghanistan.  He’s been on training exercises. He’s been changing. And he’s been weight lifting – as evidenced by the picture he uploaded tonight.  I swear his biceps are huge.

In all, he’s been growing up, and I miss my boy.  We haven’t spoken much since he came back from Afghanistan.  It’s partially my fault, I know.  I’m never sure if he’s busy, if I”m going to interrupt anything if I call. So I don’t call.

Make that it’s mostly my fault.

And tonight, I’m missing the inside jokes we used to tell, where we could say just one or two words and bust out laughing, and we’d make my husband roll his eyes.   Yea, I’m a geek and I married a non-geek.  On the other hand, my oldest is another gamer geek.

My youngest started pre-k last month, and I’m sure that’s part of why I want to turn back time.  I can remember my oldest starting school.  I can remember the book his pre-k teacher bought him, which I quoted on Facebook on his 22nd birthday.

And my middle child is having problems with 3rd grade.  My oldest had problems with 3rd grade, but for a different reason – or maybe partially for the same reason. I’m going to have to fight for her like I fought for him, pushing to make the school help me help her.

Maybe it’s just the whole getting older thing. I wish I could keep them young forever 😛

Laterness & g’nite.

So things have been crazy lately.

If you tried to check my site and it was down, or coming up unavailable, I apologize.  I forgot to renew my hosting. 

Obviously, my brain has been elsewhere.  But at least I was able to keep all of the information, and everything is back up now.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled (non) posting.  I’ll have to try to give a real update this week.