I have a reason for the reference to Five Finger Death Punch, I promise.

When I was a teenager, I babysat a toddler named Josh. I was probably 16, and he was probably 4; it’s been long enough, I don’t really remember. The thing about Josh is I had to make sure he had all of his medication. He was born with Cystic Fibrosis. It’s a condition where your lungs fill with thick, sticky mucus. When he was elementary school age, Josh had a home health nurse that would come in and use a nebulizer on him. It got to be too much for his mom to do herself without a lot of pain.

When we first met Josh and his mother, the average life span for someone with Cystic Fibrosis was to about 18 or so. The average life span now is in the 60’s. I think Google said it was 65, because of advances in medicine.

Make-A-Wish paid for Josh and his mother to go to Walt Disney World when he was 10 or therabouts. (My memory is fuzzy on his exact age for a lot of this; it’s been 30 to 40 years). Josh died at the age of 29, two months before his 30th Birthday in 2014. I remember his last post on Facebook; he asked why it was so hard to breathe.

I hadn’t realized he had gotten so sick. He had been in and out of the hospital the whole time I knew him, but I had thought that he was doing better.

Now, the reference to Five Finger Death Punch. I can remember a conversation on Facebook where Josh was talking about different bands he listened to, and Five Finger Death Punch was one of those bands. Now, on the radio, I’m hearing that they’re selling tickets to another tour.

So, every time I hear the commercial for tickets, I think about Josh.

His mom recently started posting on Facebook again. I’ve been meaning to reach out to her and see how she’s been doing. I just don’t have the emotional capacity to talk too seriously to people right now is why I haven’t.

I’m working on getting things figured out. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. I’ve seen a nephrologist; now I get to see a rheumatologist. If I can stop the aching when I move, hopefully I’ll start getting the mental capacity to do more than go to school and work. I miss playing games other than House Flipper. Tonight, I started Etrian Odyssey II. It seems fun so far.

Anyway, I’m trying to start brain dumping here every night. Another way to let go of the stress, in case that’s why I’m not sleeping, though waking up in pain wouldn’t be because of stress. I just don’t know.