Found this on Twitter/X. It’s something I guess.

I guess I turn into a zombie today. I’ve been working two jobs, but I’ll try to update tonight on what it’s like to be a zombie. Sounds fun.

The anniversary of Nick’s death was rough. I’ve had a few rough days in the last month, sometimes because my husband broods on things when he can’t sleep at night.

*edit: Well, that was a let down. Guess I get to keep on being human. Oh well.

Guess it’s the same old thing.

LOL

I’ve been doing DoorDash lately. I had the summer off, and was living in my head too much.

Today, someone bought a bunch of cereal from Walgreens (through DoorDash) and I was assigned to deliver it – to the local food bank. Kinda cool.

Last week, someone came up to me while I was waiting for a DoorDash order. He handed me a matchbox car that is almost identical to my current vehicle. He said he does that to make people smile.

School starts back on 8/10 – at least for teachers and staff. One of the students saw me when I was picking up an order, and he came and gave me a hug. I really like my job. I just don’t get paid enough. Not sure how I need to handle the shortfall. I guess keep doing DoorDash in the evenings and on the weekends. I also will need to start publishing more books and advertise them.

I haz a sad. My mother just called me to tell me one of my cousins died. He had throat cancer. A friend of the family is in hospice – for stomach cancer. 

My daughter bought some urn necklaces. We got them filled on Monday, and I’m wearing one today. She forgot she had hers on and went swimming. Water got in the necklace, so she plans to buy another identical to the one she had.

In October my husband and I each got a tattoo. It’s identical to one that Nick had, but some purple accents were added, and Nick’s name and date of birth are there. My daughter wants one and is trying to get an appointment. She had to wait until she was 18 because Oklahoma is weird.

I finally got a call from the SPCA and one of my dogs will be fixed in a couple of weeks. She’s well overdue. I’m glad it’ll be done.

Anyway, looks like my time with DoorDash is done for the day. I didn’t make as much as last Wednesday, but it’ll be fine. I can send myself money at least.

Laterness

Monday would have been my step-son’s 23rd birthday. We have a memorial dinner planned and have invited a number of people – ones that were important parts of his life.

His mom and grandmother’s deaths might have been part of why he felt he needed to do what he did. (The phrase I was looking for was contributing factor. I remember after I hit publish.)

His step-brother will be there (his step-dad’s son from a previous relationship) but his half brothers will not. Both of them are currently in prison.

We are trying to get his and his grandmother’s house through probate. It’s odd since we were not related to her, but the house can’t sit empty until one or the other gets out of prison. We can’t pay property tax on it. We will get everything through probate and put the money aside in trust for when they get out. That is what their mother would have asked us to do.

Neither of the half brothers have a father that will help. My step-son’s step-dad didn’t even have anything to do with the step-brother (step-dad’s son) after he divorced my step-son’s mother.

Everything is just so overwhelming. The tears are close to the surface right now. It seems like the grief comes in waves. I’m sure it’ll get hard again around September 1, the day he died.

Not much else to say tonight.

You know I had to bring it up 😀

I’ve been playing on the OpenAI website when time permits, and I’ve been doing some looking/research at how it affects cybersecurity. It’s not all fun and games.

My oldest and I were talking Saturday night about ChatGPT. Some of our conversation made me think.

I’ve used it to outline blog posts and novellas. It’s just not great at giving information sometimes. I saw an interesting article on Medium talking through a top level of how it works.

My son was concerned that AI gives too much of an advantage to hackers, and not enough help to those who work in cybersecurity. I’ve done a lot of reading that suggests it can help with detecting attacks.

I’m not sure which is true, and which is the best answer right now. I need to do much more research.

Either way my son said something that reminded me of the quote from Jurassic Park that I have to the right. One of the programmers behind ChatGPT says he regrets creating it. It’s too late to go back. Just because you can program something like this doesn’t mean you should.

Last Saturday (5/13) my daughter graduated high school. Two days earlier, my youngest has his 8th grade promotion.

He’s in high school. She doesn’t know what she wants to do. She tried to do cosmetology and culinary at the local Votech, but didn’t get into either program. She’ll probably just keep working at the grocery store and try again next year.

She will be going to the SkillsUSA national competition again this year for sublimation. She got the gold in the state competition. I’m so proud of her. We got a message from my step-son’s best friend yesterday saying her brother would be proud of her. I agree.

We are trying to get my husband’s car going again. We have been down to 1 car for months. It’s been rough since I have been working at the high school where my kids have gone, and my husband works second shift.

He bought a 1994 Z28, but it wasn’t worth what he paid for it. It’s had a lot of problems. Then he hit a raccoon with it, which made things worse.

I’ve been not doing as much for Blue Star Mothers as I was. Between driving my husband and daughter to work, and my writing, I just haven’t been up to it. The president of the chapter called me yesterday to ask what was going on.

How to explain that I still have days that I struggle with my step-son’s death. Everyone seems to think I should be through the worst, but it doesn’t work that way.

How to explain that I’m looking for writing jobs online and really don’t have a lot of extra time. I mean I have books published, but I need more money coming in.

Either way, I’ll get through it. It just means taking one day at a time.

Laterness

50 Weird Trends Boomers Will Remember but Millennials Think Are a Joke (msn.com)

I happened to notice something on MSN today. The title of the article caught my attention. I figured it was things from the 60’s and 70’s.

Nope, it’s all 80’s trends.

That’s not Boomers, that’s GenX. You know, the forgotten generation. Everyone forgets about GenX & GenZ when they’re talking. It’s all Millennials and Boomers. (Funny, even GenX and GenZ are showing up as misspelled per Grammarly. GenY is the suggested replacement.)

I just have to roll my eyes at articles like this. Seriously, things like Pet Rocks, Punk Bands and bright/outrageous makeup, those are all 80’s trends. When GenX were teen to mid-twenties.

I am starting to do okay more often. I have weeks where I still mourn. I know I always will. Something will pop up, and I’ll have a rough day. (Last week was one of those times. A picture popped up on my Facebook memories, and the comments were all a conversation between my step-son and myself.)

It will never get easy, though it will be easier. I’m working to remind myself that there’s nothing we could have done.

I’m forcing myself to write more. That seems to help. Even if I’m not writing anything related to him.

I have decided that I’m going to have a character by his name in one of my upcoming romance novels. I just haven’t found the right story yet.

In the meantime, I have a lot going on this week.

Thursday, my youngest has his 8th grade promotion.

Friday, he’s been invited to a birthday party.

Saturday, my daughter has her high school graduation.

And without thinking, I set the due date for my next romance novella as by Thursday at midnight GMT (about 7 CST). I’d better get writing. I think I have about 12 chapters left, but only about 6,000 words. These are all short reads, 15,000 words or less.

Laterness.

Life seems more like a roller coaster lately, though I want to get off. The last couple of weeks, I’ve been struggling with grief again.

I know this is a long process, and some days are almost normal. Then I hear a song on the radio or see something that makes me think of my step-son and it all starts over again.

When someone asks how we’re doing it brings everything to the surface. I know they mean well, so I basically just tell them we have ups and downs.

My husband has been so angry since it happened. It’s made it rough at home at times because we start arguing because I won’t put up with it.

I’ve got a job that I really like, but right now I’m making less in one month than I used to make in a week. On the one hand, I don’t want to leave, but on the other, I’m struggling to find any more bills that I can reduce. I have 2 loans that I really need to refinance or something.

I’ve started another blog talking about how to manage stress and anxiety. I need to get more posts up. It’s hard to want to write sometimes right now.

I’ve suddenly started getting marketing texts and emails asking if I’m interested in web design services.

First, I am a designer and developer. Maybe my site isn’t the best design, but it’s my playbox and I am working on another design already since I wasn’t entirely happy with this one

Second, do not text someone without getting their permission to market to them through text. Everytime I get an unsolicited text, I block and mark as spam. That will seriously start looking bad for your company when multiple people do this.

Now for something lighter, I saw an article on Medium talking about why so many sites look the same. They had a link in that article to a site called Web Design Museum, with samples of designs from 1991 through 2006. Some of the ones from the early 2000’s look similar to the ones we designed when I worked for a web host in Branson, MO. It was kinda cool to look at all the changes.

webdesignmuseum.org

So may numbers to block. I’ve gotten 3 spam calls today and it’s only 10 am.

https://catvalente.substack.com/p/stop-talking-to-each-other-and-start?s=09

I was looking through Twitter this morning and found a link to this post/Substack.

She’s put into words some of what has been going through my mind with the slow implosion of Twitter.

I’ve been on BBSs, usenet groups, MUDs, MUSHs, MMORPGs, it seems like people just move from one to another as things change.

I spend a lot of time thinking about the friends I’ve made in these places. Obviously ApocMUD & GeoCities, but others, like Asheron’s Call and EverQuest. There was at least one chat room in the late 90’s that I don’t remember the name, but the group was ‘Bored @ Werk’ and one Usenet group two years earlier where one person always talked about his Siamese fighting fish. That’s where I first learned about Heisenberg’s Uncertainty principle, though I’m not sure why I never heard it of in my college courses.

I knew about Livejournal, just didn’t see the point when I could make a new page on my website to write what I wanted. That was one advantage of working for a webhost.

Though it’s sad that Twitter is imploding, its where I’ve met more like minded people. Again I’m not limited by geography.

Not being limited by geography is why I liked the Internet in the first place. I could meet people while being at home with my son, and later his sister and brother. I didn’t have to go to bars where I wasn’t comfortable. I could talk to people from the comfort of my own home.

I still wonder about people that I met and wish them well. There are too many to mention. Some knew me as Sharleone, some as Karal, Danica or Dani and some as Silverymoon.

I have been listening to a podcast lately. I got way behind on this podcast, and am slowly catching up.

One of the episodes from Dec 2020 was about the Constitution Center. https://constitutioncenter.org/

This site has an interactive version of the constitution, allowing you to learn what each section says. The work was done by both the Federalist Society and a liberal group (I think the American Constitution Society).

The podcast episode can be found at https://www.iheart.com/podcast/stuff-you-missed-in-history-cl-21124503/episode/interview-kerry-sautner-of-the-national-75244901

I found the episode to be fascinating.