This is more personal than I usually get on here. Normally, since this site is sitting on the Internet where anyone can see it, I prefer to keep things somewhat casual.
With the class reunion on my mind lately, something else has been on my mind too. It’s been bothering me for the last 8 years – I’d have to do some looking to figure out exactly when all this occurred, and since the computer I had at the time stayed with my ex-bf/roommate in Branson, I’m not sure I could. I do know that I was living in Branson, MO when my high school boyfriend tracked me down to see how I was doing. Over the course of one of our email conversations, he asked me where things went wrong between him and myself.
I won’t print my full response to him here, mostly because I don’t remember it now. I do know I’m totally ashamed of what I said. It was insensitive and I came off as a bitch. I also suspect that I hurt him deeply with what I wrote. I the memory of that email has frequently bothered me over the years. I’ve often wished I could go and take everything back, delete the email before I sent it and write a proper response. One that respects how much he meant to me when we were dating after high school and one that shows and what he meant to me when I left my now ex-husband in ’95. He helped me find a part time job when my son and I were living with my parents after I left my ex, and I appreciate that more than I ever told him.
Now, though I deeply regret what I said, I’m not letting it make me depressed. I just can’t express how much I wish there there was a way to reach him and apologize to him. I can’t take it back if I did hurt him, but I’d like him to know how awful I feel about it.
So, for what it’s worth, Loren, if you’re reading this, I’m deeply sorry about that email, you deserved better and I have no excuse for what I wrote.