My blue heaven

Someone told me the other day that I take too much on myself. I’ve been told the same before, and I know it’s right – I started to say suspect, but I have a dear friend I could see rolling their eyes at me saying that it might not be correct. That’s a good reason why I’m always stressed out. I guess I just like to borrow trouble. It’s not the first time I’ve been told that.

So my goal in the next few weeks is to find a way to let go of all of these things that I’m taking on.  It’s not only my responsibility. It’s something other people can handle too.  The constant worrying has made it hard for me to sleep well. I’m hoping that letting go of things means I can sleep better.

I had been adding exercise every day before the Comic Con at the beginning of the month.  Then I was physically exhausted for several days. I’m starting back on the exercise train. The dog is happy with the walks. She tries to drag me down the street when the kids get on the bus in the mornings because she thinks it needs to be a daily occurrence. Poor baby, it’s been raining, so I haven’t wanted to walk.


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Limbo – and not the game

LOL so I started this post a week ago, and had to stop.  But, all I got done was the title.  Now I get to figure out what I was going to talk about.  I’m pretty sure that I know what I was going to say.  There’s so much of my life that’s in limbo right now.

My job.  So the company I was working for was bought out by another company a year ago.  I was offered a job with this new company back in October, but so were other people.  People who have since had their jobs downsized.  We’re moving to the new company system sometime next year.  No one is able to tell us how things will go once we move to the new system.  Which means I don’t know if I will have a job after next September or not.  I’ve been trying to focus on writing to see if I can pay down the new Jeep and try to reduce our bills to get by longer.  Other than that, I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do if my job is gone.  If I do still have a job in a year, hey my bills will be lower than they are now.

Maybe that’s the only thing on my mind. I know that I’m having issues with stuff at work – more than typical, but it’s all under some of the changes that would be going on anyway.  It’s growing pains from stuff the old company did before it was bought by the new one.

I’ve been feeling blah.  I’m having issues making decisions. I know that there’s so much that I should be doing, but I also know that the stress is overloading my brain and making it hard to do anything.  I think the stress overload from work related issues, plus the stress of not knowing if I’ll have a job next year has my brain paralyzed.  No big deal, except for when I’m trying to apply for web writing jobs.

After serious thought today, I’m thinking that I should make an early night of it tonight. I’m going to finish the afghan I’m working on and go to bed by 9:30 (don’t laugh, I can do it).  In the meantime, I’m going to do some relaxing and taking care of myself. All the fun stuff, crochet, write and watch Netflix.

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The Twilight Zone and general business

I listened to the most recent podcast for Nerdificent this morning, and now I want to watch the Twilight Zone.  I can remember watching these shows when I was younger, and I found some of them unsettling.  Now, I suspect that I’d probably find them as unsettling, but not as creepy.

I have been trying to focus on writing at least weekly on here, but during the summer, there’s not much to update.  I mean I go to work, the kids go to a day camp, I go home and try to stay cool.  The staying cool is sometimes difficult here in Oklahoma.  Last Friday, the temperature display in my car said it was 114F.  I suspect it might have only been 109F, but that’s hot enough.

Sadly, I rent died on Apoc.  Of course, my morts are only level 4 or thereabouts, so I can only get money by going to the training academy.  I should see how much my fighter can kill there in the meantime.  I guess I could work my way back up to having decent rent money and EQ, but I seem to time it when no one is on, so it’s boring to regen with no one to talk to.

I have been doing some interesting things.  I signed up for, and have met the goal of writing 750 words for each of 17 days so far this month.  Considering I spent a lot of time not writing in the last 6 years, that’s actually pretty good.  I’ve also been doing web writing and blog writing for a client website and my own business.  I’m working on getting more clients, and know that’s going to take some time to build up.  I’m also working on one of the stories that I started years ago when I was MUDding more, and am hoping to eventually finish the 4 stories that I have started – most of them haven’t seen the light of day because I didn’t have anyone to share them with.  My husband isn’t much of a reader, sadly.

I haven’t touched my characters on Wasteland 2 in the last few months.  I’m at a point where I’m stuck, so I need to get through the place where I’m stuck so I can finish the game.  I’m trying to find my way to one of the other locations, and every time I try, I find more radioactive sites that I need to avoid.  I should probably search it to see if I can figure out how to get to the locations where I need to go.  Google is my friend 😉  That’s how I do so well with Excel at work *grin*

There’s actually going to be a Comic Con here in town next weekend (August 4th and 5th).  It’s the first one here – they’re saying first annual, so we’ll see if it keeps up.  I was talking to my hairdresser about it, and he said that he’d laugh if anyone went to it in costume because he was thinking that it was more for businesses to get their stuff out there.  Then I saw something on Facebook about a costume contest.  Which now has me wondering what I can make for a costume in a bit over a week.  Not that I’d want to compete in the contest, but I think it’d be fun to go in costume.

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New podcast list

I’ve talked before about listening to HowStuffWorks poodcasts, including Stuff You Missed in History Class, and Stuff They Don’t Want You to Know.  I hadn’t been listening to much other than the Missed in History podcast, because I started listening from the beginning.  I think I got to the end of November 2017, before I got sidetracked when downloading podcasts for the trip last month.

I had heard an ad for a new podcast sometime in April or May.  The new podcast was called Nerdificent.  This one just sounded so cool that I stopped with the Missed in History podcast, which I’ll pick back up soon.

This podcasts talks about everything from table top games, to Power Rangers, Twitch to violence in video games.  The hosts are people who have been on other nerd podcasts, like Nerdist and Midnight – well that’s the only one I can think of at the moment.

The thing I like about this podcast isn’t that it’s stuff I don’t actually already know.  I mean I listened to their Avengers podcast after I watched the movie.  Instead, it just makes me giggle at some of the memories the podcast triggers.  Like the discussion about Dungeons & Dragons or Power Rangers – which I watched some with my oldest.

That’s what I like about the TechStuff podcast as well, so I’d say this means I’ll continue listening to them.


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Time for some Yum

When we were in Vermont last month, one of the places that I decided we needed to stop was Al’s French Frys.  It’s been over 20 years since I’ve been there – at the time I was still married to my oldest son’s father.

When we were up there, we stayed at a resort in the northeastern part of Vermont (the Northeast Kingdom).  When we left, it should have taken us only 90 minutes to get from Barton to the Burlington area.  Unfortunately, because of construction on route 100C, it took a lot longer than normal.

I was insisting I wanted to eat at Al’s, so I wouldn’t stop for lunch anywhere else.  My husband started grumbling that he was hungry, and this place better be worth the wait.  We finally got there fairly early in the afternoon, but a bit later than the normal lunch hour.  We didn’t have to wait in line to place our order.  All we needed was to wait for them to cook the food fresh.  The layout of the restaurant has certainly changed a lot since I was there.  When I was there in the 90’s, the lines went out the door.  They now have 2 registers and 2 lines.

My kids thought the 50’s style decor was cool.  I just appreciated that they still had vinegar on the table.  That’s something you can’t get in Oklahoma, bottles of white vinegar to put on your fries.  Of course, I don’t really eat fries any more either.  While I was on vacation, I made an exception.

I don’t remember what my husband and kids ordered – my kids probably got chicken tenders, but I got the fried clams and french fries.  I forgot how good fried clams are when they are fresh, and fresh out of the fryer.  That’s one of those reasons I miss living on the east coast.  The fresh seafood is so good.  Add in the white vinegar on the fries – which my husband and step son had never heard of, and I enjoyed my food.

When we left, my husband said it was worth the wait.


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My little geek

This year, my middle child and only daughter took a STEM class. In this class, she did various things, including take pictures and work on the yearbook.

At the end of the year, the members of the class had to do a project. The project she chose was to program an M-Bot. One of her other classmates programmed an M-Bot to do a specific routine. One of her classmates built something to hold a baritone horn. Another created stress ‘toys’ for the kids to play with. Another used touch circuits to play a game – and another used them to run lights.

My music loving daughter programmed hers to play Happy Birthday since the final presentation was on my birthday.
I was actually pretty impressed. No, it’s not difficult to program something to make the same few notes and play Happy Birthday, but it’s still pretty cool for a 13 year old girl to choose.

This is my artist, and the 2nd of my 3 self-proclaimed geeks. Even if my oldest doesn’t admit it – he may, I haven’t asked – he is a geek and a gamer just like his mom. My youngest two like to challenge themselves – I think it’s the competition between them. They push each other more than I thought they would.

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Back at work

Last week, I didn’t say much, but I was definitely a frustration crier.  Then we had the memorial for my stepdad, and I couldn’t make it through the memorial without crying.  I had a bunch of funny anecdotes that I said during the memorial in Florida in February.  This time, all I could do is talk about how I missed him.

I meant to talk about how he didn’t bother chasing one of my brothers down the road when that brother broke another brother’s arm.  He sat in the brother’s room and just waited for him to come back.

Or he was kicked by a cow (that we named Faith), and he hit her over the back, breaking his own arm.  The cow made it to the dinner plate.

Or I spent a lot of time being his helper – his grease monkey, and he is why I learned so much about working on the house, or on a car, or even general knowledge about plumbing. So many times I helped with his work on the apartments we owned and rented to people.  I can’t tell you how many hours I spent painting and helping him with soldering, and other work needed on the apartments that had been vacated – preparing them for the next tenant.

I’m back at work this week.  Too much on my mind, and trying to get everything together to send to the dealership in Pennsylvania.  I checked my work email while on vacation, so I was able to catch up fairly easily.  On the other hand, my work has been reduced lately because of a sales slow down.  I’m hoping that it’s only temporary.

I’ve been wondering if I should actually start with my writing again.  I know that I’ve been posting more often, but I miss my fiction writing.  I miss coming up with my stories.  I don’t miss the writing I was doing for Textbroker, but that wasn’t very creative.

The problem that I have with the creative writing is that I got discouraged.  I submitted a good story and it was rejected, so I dropped the writing.  I don’t want to let that rule my life any more.  I was told it was a good story, it just wasn’t what they were looking for.

The writing I was doing for Textbroker has given me the ability to work on my copywriting website.  I’m able to pretend that I’m writing for someone else – which is good, because I’m not much of a person to promote myself.

I think all of it is tied together.  I had issues with things someone told me repeatedly.  I let all of this stay in my head.  It all just colored my view of things.  I know that a lot of people have issues with self confidence.  I just need to let it go and work past my fears.

So, obviously I’m starting the working past my fears by opening up more here.  I still won’t mention where I work, and I still won’t mention names, but I think I can work things out better by getting it all out on paper or on the screen.

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Ugh craptastic

So, we get from Oklahoma to New York, and the clutch went out. On a Sunday. In the middle of the interstate off ramp.

We had to pay for a tow, then a hotel. I walked the .5 miles to the dealership at 7:30 am. They couldn’t look at it until after noon. Total cost was quoted at $1800 not counting the tow and unexpected hotel stay (I had already sent my portion of the cost of the resort).

So we traded the car. Got something cute, but crappier gas mileage. The funeral is tomorrow, now today (Tuesday). We were stuck if we were going to make it to the memorial.

I’ll adjust. I liked the dealership. They bent over backwards for us, considering that I was upside down on the car and they had a huge repair to do.

The master cylinder/slave cylinder is a problem on Dodge Darts for 2013 to 2015. I’ve been wanting to get rid of the car since my last trip to New York. It was sticky at the end of that trip. I don’t feel cheated by the dealership, just discouraged.

I missed out on a day and a half with family. I spent my older sister’s birthday without my family around. It may be the 2nd birthday after she died, but I think it was harder not being in my normal routine.

It’s just been an overwhelming couple of days, and I’m not sure tomorrow’s memorial service for my stepdad will help. I’ll get through it though.

Signal is spotty, so I’ll be hit or miss, but it will be nice to be at the lake again. Relaxing will be nice 🙂

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I like to move it, move it

I might actually have gotten my hosting moved.  I’ve been trying to get everything done for a week, so we’ll see.  I have until 6/9 to test it out, and then my old hosting is going away.  I’m paranoid that I’m going to lose something with this site.  The rest, they are just simple designs or only have one post.  This blog has been in operation more than 9 years.

To add to my stress, we’re planning on a trip to Vermont in a week.  My stepdad died in March, and mom had a memorial in Florida – where they live now.  Since so much of our family is still in Vermont, we have another memorial on the 12th.  I’m finding myself worried about everything.  From whether I have enough money saved for the trip to whether we’ll have car trouble.  I think maybe I’m just borrowing trouble this week.  I’ve started making lists to help me make sure everything is set.

It’s certainly going to be a busy week.  On Monday, my middle child and only girl is going to youth camp with church.  She gets back on Friday afternoon, only to have us turn around and leave again on Saturday morning to drive 24+ hours to northeastern Vermont.

I know what the issue is with the money.  I’ve spent so many years with such a tight budget.  I have barely been able to go anywhere.  Since I moved to Oklahoma in 2005, this is only the 2nd time I’ll have gone to Vermont.  Add in 3 or 4 trips to Florida, including the time I spent 7 months there, and I just don’t get to leave Oklahoma much.  So I start expecting something to go wrong when I leave.  Sounds fun, welcome to my brain.

On the other hand, I’ve reserved a vacation rental on Shadow Lake, and it looks great.  Now the temps up there are only going to be in the 70’s, so I’m going to be spoiled when I come back.  Here, we’re looking at a heat index of 98.  Plus the wind that makes it feel like you’re sitting in a convection oven.  I’m not crazy about Oklahoma temperatures.

I want my kids to get to know the area I grew up in.  That’s part of why I’m happy with the trip.  I’d like to take them to Church Street Marketplace in Burlington.  I loved spending time there, but I’m sure they don’t have half of the stores they used to.  Or maybe they do; I guess we’ll see.

I’d also like to take the Lake Champlain Ferry.  There’s one that does an ~hour tour of the lake and talks about the geography of the area.  Of climbing Mt Mansfield (or Mt Hor or Pisgah since they’re closer to where we’re staying). I’d like to take them to the North Pole amusement park, or some of the other minor things that we did growing up.  One of these days I’d even like to take them skiing.  Or to a sugar house.

We live in Oklahoma, they know how their dad grew up.  I’d love to give them a chance to see the Northeast Kingdom in all its year round beauty.

I know I have a tendency toward overthinking.  I just let it get to me, and I need to let go instead.  The money is fine.  More than fine, since I had put aside money to pay for a dog boarding that we decided not to use.

Everything else is beyond my control right now.

Laterness and g’night.

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Interesting, revisiting the past

Scrolling through the TV guide tonight, I found the American Chopper reboot. This is one of the few reality shows I used to watch, though I preferred Monster Garage – a bit more fabrication and a bit less drama.

I have enough drama in my life without watching pointless drama on TV.

Anyway, the Teutuls are back on TV and it seems surreal. Especially with how they’ve aged, and Paul Sr looks like he has lost muscle.

In a way, I’m trying to get back to where I was. I’m making an effort to blog more. I’m writing more. I’m trying to remember a time before my gall bladder problem. I’ve also started thinking it’s something else. Some weeks I can’t get enough sleep.

I am working on my health from the back end, but I’m writing more to remind myself of what I like. I’m writing to make sure I’m not sleeping poorly because I bottle everything inside. The more I write, the more relaxed I am, so it seems to be working.

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